I do realize that I never post.  Of course, I also realize that no one even checks my site anymore to see if I have posted.  Sigh.  You know me all too well.  :)  Anyway, for the couple of you who might possibly want to see what's going on in my life, I am posting.

I've been substitute teaching out at juvenille hall for about the last month.  In case you can't imagine what that's like, here are a couple of recent quotes.  "I stepped on your foot really hard the first day you were here because I didn't like you."  "I had a dream that I woke up and came to school and you weren't here.  I was happy."  And of course, there is the constant sound of words that should never have been invented or sounded in public.  Such is life.

Youth group is always an adventure.  I've been leading that for a while now.  Next week we're going to make sack lunches and pass them out to people in the area.  I also have a couple of students fundraising for a youth conference over New Year's, so we're hosting an open mic night and a karaoke night in the next month.  Should be fun.

I'm still not dating anyone and loving it.  I suppose that sounds harsh (except to Melanie and possibly Whitney, of course), but it frees me to be who I'm supposed to be and do what God has called me to do.  It's sad that it has to be this way, but it does make my life easier.

Pray for me.  I have a lot of things that still need to be righted in my life, my relationship with God, while intact, is not what it should be.  My view of dating relationships and even marriage is somewhat warped, which is wrong and sad.  But God is still faithful.  And he is my heart.  Thanks for reading this and listening.

You know, it’s hard when you realize why you can’t be with someone, and it hurts because you want to, but you have to be the strong one, because no one else is.  I realized a lot of things at church today.  And something God has always done in my life, is whatever I least expected.  I say I’m done trying to plan my life or even figure it out, but even that is only a partial truth, because deep down, I expect something.  I miss Jordhan.  I saw him today and it made me sad, partly because I also know that he is sad and partly because I do love him and wish it could be him.  But marriage is more than that.  And there were too many of the wrong kind of problems.

God has always provided what I need, when I needed it the most - usually in the form of friends.  So thank you all for being those friends, for being God’s provision for me.  Even in the hard times I am so blessed.  Beyond words.  Beyond thoughts.  That and knowing that God has always been there for me in the loneliness, that place through which we all must walk.  “Even though I walk through the valley...I will fear no evil for you are beside me...”  So be comforted when life isn’t going as you expected.  The valleys don’t last; we are only walking through them.  And God always walks through them with us.

Yeah, yeah, I know I never post.  Love you guys.  :)  My life in a nutshell.  Jordhan and I broke up.  I'm the new youth leader at my church.  And life is crazy.

It was weird at school today (Wheatland High, substitute teacher), because these girls were talking about how this one guy had asked one of them out.  And my heart was saying no, No, NO!!!  See, I knew his brother way back when (we're the same age) and they are very much alike.  The sad thing is, I knew him from church.  And the whole family are Christians.  And it made me wonder, what do people think of me.  Do I leave a yucky taste in people's mouths?  Do I look like Jesus or do I make Christians look bad.  Because, you know, when it all comes down, there are only those two options.  And hoping for the best is no longer good enough.  I want to be a world changer, the way Jesus was.  And to be that, I need to start looking a lot more like Him.

Thanks for enduring my rambling.  Let me know what you think about this.

For those of you who really, really, really wish I would post.  Here you are.  If you didn't want me to...well, you don't have to be reading this!  Sorry, just felt like adding some classic sarcasm there.  :)

A few weeks ago I was in a car accident.  Don't worry, I'm okay (and I'm typing this myself...I'm not trying to fool you by hiring a typist in the hospital).  I was stopped at a stop sign and a truck decided to turn right into me.  Sad for my poor car.  I was a bit bruised for the first week or so, but I'm okay now.  My car is toast.  And so far they haven't paid me anything.  Sigh.  My brother is hecka cool, so he let me borrow his '88 Nissan Sentra and that had me driving stick in a hurry.  I did have one lesson back in college and Stacy said I was doing great, but then she sold her truck, hmmm.  Anyway, my hecka cool brother taught me and I have been terrorizing the streets and accidently parking in intersections ever since.  Sigh.

My friend Courtney and I moved into a two bedroom apartment a few weeks ago.  For those of you who don't understand California prices, $700 a month for a two bedroom is really good.  And gas is $2.30 at the moment (thought I'd throw that in there).  It's really fun having our own apartment.  We're even going to be getting a tree pretty soon!  YAY!!!!!  I'm really excited about Christmas.  :)  Anyway, the only downside is that books have to be packed before a book shelf can, so at the moment my bedroom floor is covered with bags and boxes of books which I have to climb over every night so I can get to my bed.  I only have one bookshelf moved at this point.  Only two to go (and then maybe have some more built).

My dad got this new tool at his cabinet shop that does everything.  Well, he's pretty excited about it.

I have three jobs.  Sort of.  I'm still subbing.  Then there's this one teacher who is computer illiterate, so she's having me do all her computer stuff for her one day a week, or so.  And on days I don't have other work, or I need a break from kids throwing things at me, I can always go work for my dad.  Fun fun.

So that's my life in a couple of nutshells.  Oh, I almost forgot, I'm probably not getting married next summer.  It just hit me that I'm not ready yet.  I'll let you know when I am.  And Jordhan's being super nice about everything, so...well, who knows.

God is awesome.  And he has my heart.  There are still days when everything goes wrong, but then I get to talk to kids about Jesus and everything is worth it.  I may be taking a couple of jr. high girls on a San Francisco mission trip over Christmas break.  And that would be a blast.  I can't wait.  And I just love seeing what God does.  It always surprises me.  But then, that's just like Him, isn't it.

Thanks for reading this, and I'll post again when I can (I don't have internet at my apartment).  You guys are the bomb.  And I love you.

Well, I know I can't compete, especially after reading Sarah's site, but that's cool.  I love you guys.  This is specifically for my Israel friends who I miss a lot.  You know who you are.  And let me know when we're having that reunion, girls.  :)

So there's this kid at the high school I've been subbing at who has gone around school for the last week or so wearing a headband with furry ears.  He told me once, "all four of my ears are freezing."  He also printed out a poem and gave it to me about what it means to be furry.  lol

Another kid who comes into every classroom I'm in (whether or not he's in the class) and says, I just came to talk about Star Wars.  I've had to send him back to his own class a few times, but it's just too funny.  Ah.  What do you do!

One of my friends stayed the night last night and she's not up yet (it's strange to be the earliest riser of, well, anybody), but we are going to paint Dad's office today.  YAY!  I think it will be fun.  :)  And with that, I think I will go and figure out what to do for breakfast.  My parents are coming back today.  They went on vacation a week ago and left me with NO FOOD IN THE FRIDGE!!!!!  WHAT WERE THEY THINKING!!!!!  Got to go.  Bye.